Tender

by Jennifer on January 27, 2012

As we drove back from the hair salon, my neighbor Joann thanked me again for driving her.

“You’re very calm, and I like that. Some people aren’t when they drive.”

I smiled a little because ‘calm’ and ‘patient’ are words that many have used to describe me, but, in the last three years, they are words that to me seem the furthest away. I’ve wanted to reclaim them so that my kids would see what others have seen. I’ve gotten a little help along the way, but I’ve also learned a new trick.

I study them, and I savor their uniqueness. Last night, I watched as Chloe ate her ice cream cone. She took a napkin and delicately wrapped it around the cone to keep the melted mess from running down her hands. And I watched her little tongue. She stuck out that little tongue just over the top of the napkin that came up a little too high, and she found the soft cream below. Oh, how she enjoyed that ice cream!

Watching that sweet face, my heart couldn’t help but turn tender. So I watch my children now, and I send up a note of thanks for every ‘Punky Brewster’ style outfit, every nonchalant attitude toward another 100% on a spelling test, and every silly expression that comes out of her mouth. And this heart turns to mush every time I do.

Linking up with the Gypsy Mama for her Five Minute Friday where we write what comes to our minds whether or not it’s exactly right. We spend five minutes getting down those thoughts and don’t change once they’re here. Click below to play along. What makes your heart tender?

 

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Sex, Religion, and Gymnastics

by Jennifer on January 24, 2012

photo by Rick McCharles

For the majority of my childhood, the gym was my home. Every day after school, I put on a leotard and my hair up into a ponytail and went to practice. At one point,  I worked out six days a week for four to five hours a day. Spending that many hours away from home, it’s not surprising that many of the lessons I learned about life took place on that square floor mat.

Amidst chalk-filled air and between turns on the vault runway, our group of adolescent gymnasts had conversations about sex that would make Hugh Hefner blush. The hormones among us were out-of-control, and, given the fact that we didn’t have time to date, we verbalized our curiosities as soon as they came to mind, and we had no shame as far as whom we would ask. I’ve heard that teenaged boys are disgusting and that locker room talk is foul, but I can’t imagine anything more crude than what came out of the mouths of us four foot seven girls with pink leotards and matching hair scrunchies.

While we discussed topics that were most unholy, a group of religious coaches formed a protective circle around us. The owner and head coach of the gym was a devout Christian–a Pentecostal– who prayed before every practice with us, and while he did not require that his staff follow his faith, many did.

During my time at the gym, I remember having coaches who were Methodist, Catholic, and Mormon. And while we would ask them questions about sex and when they had their first experience (I know; we had no shame), we also would ask them questions about their faith.

I don’t remember what started the conversation (maybe sex), but I remember sitting on the floor mat with Jerry and telling him my confusion:

“I know that Jesus died for my sins, but I don’t understand why he died for my sins.”

I had grown up Catholic and believed with my whole heart that Jesus died for me–I had that message pounded into my head since I was little–but I had no idea how Jesus ended up on the cross and what his death meant for me.

And there on that dusty mat, Jerry filled in the missing pieces. He explained that in the Old Testament, God had set up a system for the Israelites to follow. God could not allow sin, and we should die as a result of sin, but God would allow the sacrifice of a perfect lamb in place of us. In addition to this sacrifice, the shedding of blood for sin, God also commanded the priest to lay his hands on a goat and pray, symbolically transferring the sin of the people onto this animal. This scapegoat was then sent into the wilderness away from the camp, taking the sin of the people on its head.

God fulfilled the law by sending Jesus. No longer did we need to sacrifice a perfect lamb in place of us; Jesus acted as that sacrifice for all who believed. And like the scapegoat, He took our sins on his head and bore our shame. With his death and resurrection, Jesus died in our place and conquered death so that we can share eternal life with Him in heaven after our imperfect lives here on earth.

When I look back on my time at the gym, sometimes I wonder how I didn’t end up with a carload of kids before I was 20. In reality, I know that we were a good group of girls, and I’m glad for the time we spent talking that didn’t leave much time for doing. And I’m glad for that group of coaches–I don’t know what prayers they sent up for us on their own, but I do know their words didn’t fall on deaf ears.

These ears listened and believed.

Did a sport or coach help to shape you as a person? Did an area outside of the church or your family have a profound effect on your faith? Sharing my thoughts today with Jen.

 

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Trust

by Jennifer on January 18, 2012

Some stories in the Bible leave me with a funny feeling. I hate to admit it, but I’d like to skip over the story of God commanding Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. As a child, I didn’t understand the story. As a mother, the story makes me feel a little sick.

However, the other day I read a beautiful retelling of the story and it came from, believe it or not, Chloe’s Bible. As with our other two children, we wanted to buy Chloe her own children’s Bible for Christmas, and after reading some reviews, we decided on The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones (if you’ve never seen this Bible, I encourage you to click on the link and look at the sample pages). Every story in this Bible points to the coming of Jesus, and the story of Abraham and Isaac is no different.

Lloyd-Jones explains that God never wants anyone to die, and, just as Abraham gathered wood for the altar on which to sacrifice Isaac, God would send His own Son to carry the wood on which He would be sacrificed so we would not have to die an eternal death. But here is the part of the story that stuck with me–God tells Abraham that He doesn’t want Isaac to die; He wants Abraham to trust Him, which he did.

Trust.

photo by Rusaila Bazlamit

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that having a relationship with God isn’t just about faith, believing that God exists and always will exist. No, this relationship requires trust, trust that this God really does love me and really does have the pieces of my life fitting into a bigger puzzle that I might not see on this side of heaven.

There are some skeptics who might say that religion is a crutch, but I couldn’t disagree more. To truly trust that there is a god above watching over me in the midst of turmoil is much harder (albeit more comforting) than believing my life is subject to the whims of chance.

Because in life, there are some events that happen that leave me with a funny feeling. As a child, there were many things I didn’t understand, and, now, as a mother, there are many events that leave me feeling sick. Yet, no matter the event, I am learning that I have to trust.

Many of you already know the story of my friends Wendy and Emmett. This past June, Emmett died after a 17-month battle with stage four esophageal cancer. He was 31 and left behind his wife of almost nine years and a son, not quite four.

Their story tore me up on the inside, and I questioned God more than I should. But after questioning and telling God why He should heal Emmett, I came back to the word trust. I came back to the idea that I read in a Bible meant for little kids–God doesn’t want us to die, and He has worked out a perfect plan to rescue us from the sadness and despair that comes with living on this earth.

While Emmett was struggling with cancer, Wendy and he learned that of all the cancer funding available, only .5% goes to esophageal cancer, a cancer that leads to a death sentence for almost all who have it. This statistic made them mad, the kind of mad that caused them to want to do something to change that fact. After Emmett’s death, Team Emmett, a 501(c)(3) non-profit was born.

I don’t presume to understand God’s plan, but as I look through the pages at teamemmett.com, I find that I can trust. I trust that Emmett’s death wasn’t in vain, for God is holding his piece as part of the bigger puzzle. And I trust that through the anger and frustration that bore Team Emmett, someone else might find hope.

I hope you will take a minute and click on the Team Emmett link above. While I know we cannot all be passionate about every cause out there, I also know that most of us have had a loved one affected by cancer. If nothing else, look at their pages and pray–pray for Wendy and Quinn and the tens of thousands of others who will die from this disease this year. And if you are able, give. Without more research, a cure will not be discovered.

Linking up late with Michelle and Jen today.



 

 

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‘Mommy, Look! I’m a Zebra!’

by Jennifer on January 12, 2012

 

One week into January, and I had already thrown my resolution out the window. In fairness to myself, I actually set three goals for the new year, and I was still on track with two. The third resolution I made in the minivan as church was starting, and we were still two minutes away. Clearly, I didn’t give this vow enough thought. Nonetheless, I resolved to never arrive late to church again.

The next Saturday evening, I walked into church five minutes after the service started. Now at this point, I know some of you are already tense at the thought of my lateness. What is wrong with some people? Why can’t they just get ready earlier and not be late? I’ve asked myself the same questions many times.

In fact, we started attending the Saturday evening service because there was a better chance of us getting to church without my having to plead with God for forgiveness for all the yelling and screaming that happened as I tried to get my kids ready. After all, the kiddos would already be up, dressed, and not needing to be fed before I prodded them out the door.

But I was wrong. The longer small children are awake, the more time they have to get into trouble.

Today, I’m writing over at the Dacula Patch, our local on-line newspaper. I’d love if you’d join me over there. And if you like what you’ve read, please let me know by recommending this story on Facebook or sharing on Twitter!

 

 

 

 

 

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Top Ten Blogs You Need to Visit

January 10, 2012

As I was heading into the new year, I began to think about all the blogs I love and what the people writing them have taught me. I thought I’d share some of these less well-known blogs in the hopes that they will inspire you, too! Here they are, in no particular order: 1. The [...]

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A New Year’s Post for Moms

January 5, 2012

As the end of 2011 came near, I had a sudden realization that blew my mind: I am a good mother. Perhaps my depression got in the way or my constant tendency to compare myself to others, but finally seeing myself as good for my children gave me a joy that I hadn’t yet experienced. [...]

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Christmas Lesson 3: The Christmas Video

December 29, 2011

  One Friday night about 15 years ago, my friend subjected me to the torture of watching old family videos. Christmas was near, and the spirit caught her mom who gathered us all to the den where colored lights from the tree illuminated the pizza she set before us. She was in a very chipper [...]

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If I Were Mary

December 19, 2011

The year I turned 15, Christmas took on a different meaning for me. I remember looking in the mirror and imagining myself pregnant. I rubbed my belly as I thought of how I would tell my family the news. I envisioned the walk downstairs to the kitchen and the kitchen table where I would ask [...]

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Christmas Lessons 2: The Nativity

December 15, 2011

I sighed as I took the nativity out of the box. A gift from my mother-in-law, the olive wood figurines from Jerusalem stood beautifully in their simplicity. I wanted to do the scene justice–display it in a setting of prominence, center-stage in our family room–yet I wanted to enjoy this nativity for more than one [...]

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A Message in a Shoebox

December 12, 2011

God shows His love and kindness in many ways. For me, He showed it in a shoebox’s destination…. Around four years ago, I sat on the back row at church and listened to the woman on the screen rattle off statistics that I have never been able to forget. At that time, our church was [...]

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